Wisdom from Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Angela Nagoski

• "Exhaustion happens when we get stuck in an emotion. We may get tuck simply because we're constantly being exposed to situations that activate emotion" (xiii)
• "In Human Giver Syndrome, the giver isn't allowed to inconvenience anyone with anything so messy as emotions, so givers are trapped in a situation where they are not free to move through the tunnel." (xiv)
• "what makes you stronger: connection, rest, and self-compassion." (xvi)
• "We thrive when we have a positive goal to move toward, not just a negative state we're trying to move away from." (xix)
•  Burnout advises moving toward "growing mighty, feeling strong enough to cope with all the owls and mazes and anything else the world throws at you." (xix)
• "The most efficient way to complete the cycle" is "Between twenty and sixty minutes a day" of "literally anything that moves your body enough to get you breathing deeply." (14)
• "Breathing is most effective when your stress isn't that high, or when you just need to siphon off the very worst of the stress so that you can get through a difficult situation, after which you'll do something more hardcore." (15)
• "Laughing together -- and even just reminiscing about the times w've laughed together --  increases relationship satisfaction." (16)
• "a twenty-second hug can teach your body that you are safe." (17)
• "Just petting a cat for a few minutes can lower your blood pressure." (17)
• "Thirty minutes of anything that works for you: exercise, meditation, creative expression [writing, drawing, singing (28)], affection, etc. Because you experience stress every day, you have to build completing the cycle into every day. Make it a priority, like your life depends on it. Because it does." (23)
• "If you're hiding from your life, you're past your threshold." (25)
• "Stress is not bad for you; being stuck is bad for you." (27)
• "Wellness is not a state of being, but a state of action." (28)
• "When something feels uncomfortable, you're probably doing something that creates more and better progress than if it were easy." (35)
• "Groups that are more heterogeneous generate more innovation and better solutions to problems, even though those groups feel less confident about their solution and find the process more difficult." (35)
• "Struggle can increase creativity and learning, strengthen your capacity to cope with greater difficulties in the future, and empower you to continue working toward goals that matter to you." (36)
• "With compassion for the wounded parts of our hearts, minds, bodies, and communities, our recovery from adversity can include an increased sense of meaning in life, moving us from coping to thriving." (68)
• "Meaning is not made by the terrible thing you experience; it is made by the ways you survive." (70)
• "When you feel trapped, free yourself from anything, and it will teach your body that you are not helpless." (98)
• "Contact with another person is a basic biological need; loneliness is a form of starvation." (134)
• "We need both connection and autonomy. That not a contradiction. Humans are built to oscillate from connection to autonomy and back again." (135)
• "Your internal state is profoundly contagious, and it is profoundly susceptible to 'catching' the internal states of the people around you at work and at home (136) . . . This mutual co-regulation begins from the earliest moments of our lives, and it shapes our brains." (136-137) 
• "Sharing space with anyone else means sharing energy - literally." (137)
• "If we turn toward someone with our difficult feelings -- sadness, anger, hurt -- and they tune in to our feelings without judgment or defensiveness, it helps us to move through that feeling, like a tunnel, to the light at the end." (142)
• "Signs you need to recharge in the bubble of love": "when you have been gaslit," "when you feel 'not enough.'' (147)
• There is a power to "someone who can take our hand in the dark and say, 'Any step we take together is a step toward the light.'" (148)
• "If you're not getting adequate sleep, better avoid talking to other humans." (163)
• "'When you are broken, go to bed,' gos the French proverb.'" (163)
• "Sleep is medicine" for mental health (164)
• "Sleep is a miracle. What else but sleep can mend a broken bone and a broken heart?" (166)
• "If you've dealt with the stressors but haven't dealt with the stress itself, your brain won't let you rest. It will constantly scan for the lion that's about to come after you, so when you try to go to sleep, your brain won't let you fall asleep, or it will wake you up over and over, checking for that lion. Complete the cycle, so your brain can transition into rest." (168)
• "So how much rest is 'adequate'? Science says: 42 percent . . . We're not saying you should take 42 percent of your time to rest; we're saying if you don't take the 42 percent, the 42 percent will take you. It will grab you by the fact, shove you to the ground, put its foot on your chest, and declare itself the victor." (168)
• "Your work is crap if your brain isn't rested." (172)
• Most of the books and articles about prioritizing sleep and rest make the argument that we're more productive when we get adequate rest. It's true that rest makes us more productive, ultimately, and if that's the argument that helps you persuade your boss to give you more flexibility, awesome. But we think your rest matters not because it makes you more productive, but because it makes you happier and healthier, less grumpy, and more, creative." (183-4)
• "when you are burned out, it's because you burned a specific gear in your brain, but the Lord gave us a lot of different gears. When you use the other ones, you regenerate." (186)
• "With shame, your core self is judged." (194)
• "Generally toxic; believing that if things aren't perfect, they aren't any good -- e.g., if you make one mistake, everything is ruined -- and feeling pressure from other people to succeed at everything you do." (195)
• "This is the tragedy of the madwoman. She whips us, and we achieve things. And so we think the whipping is why we achieved things and we'll never achieve anything without the whipping." (196)
• "They can begin to notice the ways they whip themselves, and practice putting down the whip, because they see that it's not the whip that makes them stronger; it's their persistence, their relationships, their ability to rest. They know that self-kindness helps them grow mightier, and they want that strength." (197)
• "Joy arises from an internal clarity about our purpose." (213)
• "The cure for burnout is not 'self-care'; it is all of us caring for one another." (214) 

Wisdom from Sacred Rest by Saundra Dalton-Smith

•  "I could complain, but it would be futile. If I'm completely honest, I'm to blame for this storm. I created it. I fueled it. I continually recruit and pull others into it with me. I didn't mean to do it. It is just a reality of the life I created." (4)
• "Funny how everyone can smell the char of your slow burn except the one standing in the fire." (6)
• "when your natural strengths are taken to the extreme, they can become a liability." (9)
• "But escapism is not rest . . . Downsizing your life without a restful plan for filling the gaps only opens the door for other enemies like laziness and apathy." (17)
• "Sleep marathons are destructive to your health. Rest never destroys." (18)
• "Well-rested people do not exponentially multiply their activities; they divide and conquer." (19)
• "Rest will win every battle you initiate with it. You can either honor your need for rest or surrender to the one-two-punch of a mandatory rest." (29)
• "We confuse the exercise recommended for weight loss with the activities promoting body peace." (43)
• "A purging of the mind before turning in for the night is needed to declutter your mental space." (50)
• "An excellent mental rule to practice is in Philippians 4:8, where we are encouraged to allow our thoughts to rest on whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable . . . Mark a conscious effort to fill your mental space with restorative thoughts." (53)
• "You experience emotional rest when you no longer feel the need to perform or meet external expectations." (58)
• "The only way out is to return to the place where we can rest in our current truth without shame or guilt." (60)
• "rest in the self-awareness of your unique quirks and propensities." (64)
• "I just need time in my day to feel like I come first. I spend most of every day giving away my love and energy to others . . . I need a break, so I don't break." (91)
• "Hold firm to your resolve to honor that twenty minutes or one hour you et aside to unplug. Make this time sacred. You can use this time in conjunction with other restful activities like stretching, praying, meditating, or simply just being still." (94)
• Creative rest is "the rest one finds when immersed in creative beauty." (95)
• "Creative rest lets you focus on your basic need for wonder." (97)
• A "change in scenery will cause your mind and spirit to recalibrate the new input of its surroundings." (98)
• "Studies have also shown our brains are most at rest in natural environments like the beach." (101)
• "Creativity tends to peak in the evening hours." (103)
• "It's time to lay aside the notion of endless work being the end to the means." (109)
• "1. Don't bend your life to fit into a space too small for your personal needs. 2. You may break in the process. More is only better if you already have a system for releasing the overflow. Otherwise, the abundance will hinder your ability to move freely. 3. Your only limits are the mental ties you allow to bind you. Thinking differently precedes doing differently." (119)
• "You are not designed to withstand continuous pouring out with no plan for regular replenishment." (128)
• "It was a time for me to separate the wheat from the chaff in my life. I needed to determine those things I did because they were mine to do and the things I did because I wanted to please others." (149)
• "allow room in your day for therapeutic silence." (156)
• The gift of cessation is "the ability to take our hands off the wheel. It's the ability to stop, not because you are exhausted and have to, but because you choose to." (165)
• "Rest should change you for the better. You can identify rest by the fruit it produced." (166)
• "The gift of cessation stops the bleeding in your life. It heals the slow leak draining your energy. Cessation is the restoration of you. We each need some unoccupied time every week to let the fertile ground of our heart and mind regenerate and replenish." (166)
• "Does your rest have the purpose of spiritual revival?" (167)
• "Purposeful rest leaves behind a residue of joy, and it ushers in the fruit of love, peace, kindness, and gentleness." (168)
• "Do nothing when you're upset." (170)
• "The gift of art sifts the lovely out of the ugly." (176) 
• "Psychiatrist and researcher William Glasser suggests we remember only 20 percent of what we hear. That means when you talk to your kids, spouse, or colleagues they may recall only a tiny fraction of the conversation. They are not benefitting from the whole message . . . In contrast, when there is active discussion, we can retain more than 70 percent of the same conversation." (180)
• "Rest will remind you to be gentle with your words, quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry (see James 1:19)." (181)
• "Productivity is getting things done that matter and seeing good fruits growing in your life." (186)
• "When you make time for rest, you make time to taste and see the fruit you are producing." (190)
• "Spending time enjoying God and His creation will fortify your spiritual health, which in turn influences your attitude and how you respond to the choices presented to you." (192)
• Heart choices: "Live in the present or live for the future . . . Adapt to change or push yourself to the breaking point." (194)
• "Rest is an act of seeking." (200)

Wisdom from Make Me Rain by Nikki Giovanni

 "We need poetry because it brings the light of love . . . love is the patience to forgive and go forth." (41)

"We are poetry. And poetry is us . . . It is the soil that keeps all of us growing. So that the lemons will fall from the tree. And Beyoncé can make Lemonade." (41)

"we plant love with patience." (53)

"I sincerely dislike that man who occupies the White House trying to take the love and faith of our athletes who are kneeling and asking the Constitution: 'Will you be mine?' It will always be a sign of Hope that the answer will be 'Yes.' We are not the folk who divorce. We have married for life." (69)

"Love never goes/There is only Transition" (70)

"Make Me Rain/Let me be a part/Of this needed change" (115)

What I want to remember from the beach

Thanksgiving: This beach experience is healing. Why? Because I had stopped believing that I am the most important person in my life. I had stopped following the airplane rule. Not on purpose, but for what felt like survival. In truth, there is no survival without the airplane rule. So, here's what I need to remember about the airplane rule:

• I need my "five to stay alive" -- movement, reading, writing, meditation, and sleep. I need them not as boxes to check, but as ways that I nurture and sustain my light. It is my light that I share with others, so it's not selfish to keep my cup filled. I need that to live my values. 
• I am loved. Everything about this trip is an expression of love. The idea, the hotel, the food. Love made manifest. 

New Year's:

• As soon as I arrived back here, I remembered how my spirit was reborn here last month.
• As much as I loved my first experience here, I knew it could be better if I were cozier, so this time I brought a robe and slippers, a fuzzy blanket for the couch, a candle. I could stay here forever!