Lessons from 2015

I had a phenomenal 2015! I got to have many special experiences and I learned a great deal.

I had the opportunity to meet with many people that I now consider to be heroes of mine and who helped to prove that the impossible is always achievable in time. These exemplars included the people and leaders I met in Rwanda, civil rights leaders Julian Bond and John Lewis, the incredible women in Ireland who went on strike until Ireland stood against apartheid, and current activists I got to hear from including Rosa Clemente, Bryan Stevenson, and Ta-Nehisi Coates. I also got to hear the stories of incredible changemakers at the ADL Concert Against Hate, all of whom fought against the odds to act meaningfully for peace and love. I also got to participate in projects that seemed impossible at the start. SR's TEDx took huge amounts of time and stretched me in important ways, which made its great success feel all the more rewarding. Similarly, I worked in the winter to put together the Coalition of Local Student Activists. Other social justice educators in the area and I had an idea of crafting a collaboration between our students to give them a voice to speak out about injustice, and it worked. The result was that COLSA students led SR through a powerful week of awareness raising about Black Lives Matter and Baltimore.

I experienced art that moved me this year. Whether it was great concerts (Ed Sheeran, Neon Trees, Sweey Honey in the Rock), comedy (Trevor Noah, Drag Race Battle of the Seasons Tour), film (Chi-Raq, Creed, The Danish Girl), literature (Citizen), or the life-changing Hamilton, art this year brought me joy and helped me think deeply. And I integrated daily poetry into my life. I found that poetry is a means of enriching my spirituality, and I used poems to bookend my days and my connect me to my Light.

My trips to Spain, Tanzania, and Rwanda taught me how important it is to learn from the rest of the world. Before I got to Spain, I hadn't been excited about the trip. I didn't know much about Spain, and I didn't think it had a rich history that I could connect with. Instead, I discovered my love of flamenco, cathedrals, and Don Quixote. Tanzania was so full of joy and beauty. Rwanda gave me heart; it is the physical manifestation of all that I believe in.

This was the year that I developed routines for reading, writing, and meditating. It is the year that I wholeheartedly committed to sleeping. And I learned to run for fun through running with the cross country team and with Adult Running Club. I took an amazing "Habits of Writing" class through which I learned about how habits develop by intentionality. With intentionality and practice, there are no limits to what I am capable of.

This year I developed a deeper sense of the power of my voice. I have started to blog more regularly, and I put my blog on my Twitter and Facebook accounts so that people would know about it. I was already proud of my Twitter account as a way for me to spread love and inspiration, and my blog builds on that foundation using my own words. I also had rich opportunities for leadership this year in arenas that I care about. Being on the QPIN Steering Committee is the most tangible foothold I've had in the Palestinian rights movement. My being asked to serve as co-clerk of one of the SSFS board committees was also a real confidence boost in knowing that my voice is valued.

I had a few needed retreats.  The school offered a retreat focused on spirituality and the reflection that I was able to do at that retreat helped to fuel the rest of my year. Similarly, I had the chance to go to the Catholic Social Ministry Gathering, which deepened my understanding of and commitment to Catholic Social Teaching. I now have every confidence that the social justice work that I do for SR is rooted in our Catholic mission. Through the CSMG and the retreat, I was able to form a vision of our next steps with Social Action and I got that vision approved. I also crafted my own yoga retreat in both the summer and the last week of the year, taking a yoga class every day and being reminded of my strength and my peace.

There is nothing that I believe in more than the power of love. My faith in love was renewed time and again this year. Whether I was spending time with my fabulous family or one of my amazing non-traditional families, I was stronger for having such impressive teams in my corner. My best friend got married and I got to be her maid of honor - what an honor indeed! I don't know that I have ever experienced joy quite so wholly as I did at her wedding. Is there a purer form of love than what we get to see at weddings? Perhaps best of all was an article in the school paper about my commitment to love and joy. It ended with: "In our community, everyone is affectionately familiar with Ms. Brownlee’s theory that love is always the answer. However, we often take that lesson in stride, not dismissing it, but just accepting it as part of Ms. Brownlee’s identity and not part of our own; it’s her “thing.” Here’s the wild conclusion that I came to after speaking with Ms. Brownlee: joy is not exclusive. Finding the same amount of joy in a salad as in a trip to Rwanda does not diminish your joy, it merely increases your opportunities to be joyous."

 May 2016 be as positive and productive.

Framily

I learned the term "framily" this week - the family we make of our friends. I have several distinct "framilies," or what I like to call "non-traditional families." I loved the film Eat, Pray, Love because it featured framilies in a way that was familiar to me. Love can take so many forms and any time it is unconditional, that is family to me, whether or not we are related. I love both Wellesley and SR because of the sisterhood/siblinghood that they cultivate, and I even love watching brotherhood portrayed in shows like Entourage and Sons of Anarchy. We are at our strongest when we can feel the support of a community behind us.

I Saw Hamilton and I Feel Renewed

I saw Hamilton and it felt I began a new chapter of my life. Immediately afterward, I announced that I would never feel satisfied again without Hamilton in my life. I've been filling the hole that the musical created by listening to the soundtrack and reading everything about both the show and the history that I can get my hands on. Everything I read supports my feelings about the show. Lin-Manuel Miranda is (certifiably) a genius. He also has a community orientation. The success of Hamilton feels like not just his success, but all of our success. And that comes not only from a powerful and powerfully told story, but also from Lin's sharing it with those who stand to benefit from it, both the lovers of theater, lovers of rap and history, and students. Hamilton is the story of us, which is all the more significant because the story of America is rarely told so inclusively.

Here are the themes I loved from it:
- Revolution: The musical argues that revolution is terribly important in the face of oppression. It also portrays the complexities of revolution and the other side of revolution - the creation of a new society. As George Washington says in one of the songs, "Winning was easy, young man. Governing's harder."

- America's identity: The cast and music of this show reflects the diversity of the United States today. It also explores the values on which the US was founded, values rooted the dignity of all people that we could use a reminder of today.

- Ideals of democracy and their challenges: Many of the questions being decided early in the US's democracy are still questions we ponder today: What are the qualities of the leaders we want? Can we be easily charmed by political charlatans? Where is the line between the agency of states versus the federal government? How much support should we offer foreign allies? There were no easy answers then as remains the case today. One important moment from this period that continues to set the standard is Washington's decision to relinquish his power and allow for a smooth transition to the next president.

- Believing in something and never giving up: Probably Hamilton's defining characteristic was his relentless persistence. While not a universally positive trait, it does allow him to achieve many of his dreams and helps him to build a country he could be proud of. The Burr of Hamilton is not the villain because he kills Hamilton so much as because he refused to stand for anything.

- Immigration and slavery: Hamilton and Lafayette are proud to be immigrants shaping the US (a reference to which apparently gets long applause each line). Hamilton and John Laurens fight against slavery, and then Hamilton's widow continues to fight for the abolition of slavery to honor Hamilton's memory after he dies.

- Writing: The other thing that Hamilton is most well known for is his prodigious writing. He wrote literally thousands of pages over the course of his lifetime. He used writing to express his feelings and his insights. His writing was persuasive and helped him to shape the early United States. One of the lines that stuck with me was "How do you write like you need it to survive?" Reminds me of my blog post from this fall about how writing is one of my "five to stay alive."

- Friendship: No man is an island. Hamilton's friends all brought something to the table in helping America to win the Revolutionary War. His friendship with and mentoring by George Washington was also hugely important to his growth over the years.

- Different types of love: Love of all kinds (friendship included) is at the heart of this story. The Schuyler sisters love for each other is sustaining for them, and that gets transferred to Hamilton and his relationship with both his wife and her sister. The importance of one's nuclear family and the inspiration that family provides is also one of the themes of the story.

- Forgiveness: Hamilton made very human mistakes. His wife forgives him for his affair. Burr cannot forgive Hamilton and the story ends with his regretting that.

Hamilton had what I can only imagine is a lifelong impact on me. It asks that we bring out best selves to all we do, keeping in mind the impact that we have on others. I could not recommend it more highly! Check it out at http://atlanticrecords.com/HamiltonMusic and http://genius.com/albums/Lin-manuel-miranda/Hamilton-original-broadway-cast-recording.

Azar Nafisi

Over Thanksgiving break, I went to a book talk by Azar Nafisi about her new book Republic of Imagination about how the US has shaped and been shaped by literature. She is a force of nature and an inspiration. Here were the quotes I wrote down during her talk.

• "Hope is always defiant" 
• We are taught that reality is static, but reality is fragile
• You have to keep your dignity by becoming more yourself
• Oppression, violence to anyone decreases my dignity. We are all implicated. 
• We are withdrawing within ourselves because we feel helpless. Instead, we should come out!
• The great writers write about "us." They tell human stories. 
• Like Dorothy, we go to other worlds to come back with fresh eyes
• American literature is about underdogs who refuse to be underdogs
• We watch the Republican debates so we can laugh. This [political landscape] is no laughing matter. 
• Activism - You complain because you care so much about a place
• Governments come and go, only the trace of genius remains. 

Nafisi is without a doubt a genius.

Yoga

I love yoga for the way that it brings together two of my daily focuses - movement and spirituality. Yoga helps me to feel a connection to and an awareness of my body. Through yoga, I now think about how I'm sitting, I think about how I'm walking, and I feel as though I can help my body to be its best self. The sense of empowerment that I feel in yoga class stays with me in the rest of my life. And it's not just me, yoga's benefits have been scientifically proven: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/yoga/CM00004

Movies that Moved Me

This weekend I saw two movies this weekend that will stick with me for a long time.

The first is Creed. I haven't seen any of the Rocky movies for years, but I went because I love Michael B Jordan, and the movie was well reviewed. Creed fully exceeded my expectations. It broke stereotypes by having Michael B Jordan's character not come to boxing through necessity, but for pure love. He is a fully developed character who left a corporate job and life in a mansion to pursue his passion. He is a young black male who finds a mentor in an aging Rocky. It is particularly beautiful because their relationship is reciprocal. And - spoiler alert - the phenomenal ending includes the lesson that even in losing one can be a winner. It is a story that truly spoke to me. It had so much heart.

I also watched Tangerine, which is a film shot entirely on iPhones. It is a story about transgender prostitutes in LA. It leads its audience into a fully realized world that most of us don't know very much about. The movie challenges our expectations. Again, spoiler alert, I love that the main character is made to seem silly for thinking that her boyfriend, a pimp, genuinely cares about her, but then at the end she is vindicated as his feelings are revealed to be just as enthusiastic as hers. What dynamic characters! In scene after scene, we are introduced to new transgender women with whom the main characters are friends. It's fabulous that so many of the women are transgender actresses being provided with opportunities, and that the two lead actresses are being nominated for awards. The film and its accolades are a sign of the world becoming more accepting and I love it.

Coaching

Today when I arrived at the Adult Running Club, I was called to not run but "coach." One of my friends who has never run before was nervous about being there without a buddy. Especially because I had run yesterday, I felt no qualms about offering to partner with her. Over the course of our run, I helped her pick a run-walk ratio, helped her slow down to a pace she could sustain, and encouraged her along the way. It was the greatest feeling of accomplishment I've felt in a long time. I explained to her I feel like a new runner each time I start over. I know that feeling of wanting to stop and being encouraged to not think of stopping as choice. I loved helping her give herself the gift of the feeling at the end of a run. To me there are few greater feelings of satisfaction. Today I may have learned that paying it forward is the greatest feeling of all.

Cancer Sucks (but love wins)

A loss of someone we love to cancer is a tragedy that bonds so many of us. Each time I face new losses, it is hard to not thinking about the deepest loss I have suffered, that of my mother. The only comfort that I can offer myself is to remember how that experience helped me to recognize the love of the community that surrounded me and the strength I had within me. The hardest period of my life was the time between when my mother got her prognosis and when she died. I spent that time reflecting around the clock about how I would go on. In that time, I joined the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program for the Marine Corps Marathon, I started doing yoga, and I started attending Meeting for Worship - so many of the things that are now defining elements of my life. And the friends and colleagues who supported me through that time are inked permanently on my heart. Cancer is like the Westboro Baptist Church of diseases - it brings so many people together to stand for love in the face of ugliness. We embrace the suck.

Feminism

Him: Are you sure you don't want me to walk you home?
Me: Yeah, I'm sure.
Him: Ok, Mad Max.
Me: Yeah, I'm a feminist powerhouse.

I've actually been thinking a lot about my feminism recently because it turns out that the book that made me a vegetarian is pretty anti-feminist. It didn't occur to me in my 24-year-old iteration that sentences like "skinny=healthy and fat=unhealthy" and "don't be a p*ssy" are problematic and not just snarky. This was also a time in my life in which I rejected the idea of being a feminist. My sense of feminism was that women's rights had to be one's top priority to be called a feminist. I felt like my racial experience shaped my life experience more than my gender, so I didn't think the "feminist" label applied to me. My how times have changed!

Value Added

Everyone should have the opportunity to work at a place that enriches their life. The students, my colleagues, my role, the mission. I'm ever grateful to be in a place with such depth and dynamism. I never doubt that my life is more complete because of my job and my school. The passion of the place is palpable.

For the sake of one child

Tonight I went to a social justice event because one SR girl had agreed to go. I didn't doubt my decision for a moment. What I think is particularly special is that I don't think she doubted hers either. What I appreciated about it is that it demonstrates that social justice work is everyday work. It doesn't have to be something you organize a big group for - one person can make a difference. That is a lesson I have only come to in the past few years, and I am glad that my students are having the opportunity to understand their individual empowerment and impact earlier.

Why POCC

Some schools send anyone who wants to go to the annual National Association of Independent Schools People of Color Conference (POCC). My school is one of many that rotates faculty, staff and administrators through the conference so that more people can feel its powerful impact. While I respect both strategies, I maintain that it is important professional development opportunity for me each year. Here are my reasons:

1. Being in and advocating for marginalized groups can be exhausting. POCC is a once-a-year reminder of the fact that those of us who do this work are in good company. It also serves as a break for being the representative for the marginalized. We can finally feel a power in numbers.

2. I am reminded of my roots. I get to visit with my former classmates, teachers, colleagues. This proves especially significant in the years that I go to the conference with something weighing on my heart and/or mind. I always have a trusted team through which to crowdsource solutions.

3. I learn concrete things. I have yet to go through a year of POCC and not come away with tangible ideas to implement in the classroom and/or in co-curricular programming. Each session is designed to share best practices. There's an outstanding bookstore to boot.

4. I also have yet to go to POCC and not come away inspired to dig into the work that I do. Because the work is hard, the challenges can be discouraging. The core message of POCC each year is that the work of independent schools is worth doing. We hear from keynote speakers who are high achievers and people of color. They talk about the skills that got them to where they are and about the importance of the cultivation of those skills. They talk about the challenges of the world and the fact that quality education is the only way forward. In short, they reflect our Light back to us.

5. There is nothing more inspirational about the conference than our transformed students. Just as I do, the students also come back each year fired up and ready to go. They develop an expertise in each of the core diversity identifiers that they are eager to share. The paradigm shift that they can have in two days reminds us of the impact that we too can have on their lives. This is especially true of the final, gendered affinity session on the final day each year. I get to hear each time we get together about how much it means to black girls to have black women at their schools. Some years that is exactly the motivation I need to sign my contract for one more year.

What an important annual reminder that at the end of the day the work and the professional development are not to serve us adults, but our spectacular students.

Presenting

I do not find presenting at conferences to be fun; I find it stressful. A meaningful presentation takes both time and soul. And its success is not always predictable. However, my National Association of Independent School's People of Color Conference (POCC) presentation this year was a wonderful reminder that it can be worthwhile to present. I found it powerful to be a part of something bigger than myself that was positive and productive. I enjoyed the creative thinking that went into it and came out of it. I loved collaborating with my co-presenters and the workshop participants. It is also significant to be a contributing member of a POCC community that means so much to me year after year. A presenter is a part of the transformative fabric of the program. At the end of the day, there is no better feeling.