What it all boils down to

We're talking a lot this year at school about enduring understandings. Today a student stopped by my office to say that she got this for me over the summer because it reminded her of me. Even if this were the only lesson I ever taught, I would consider my career a success.

How to Raise an Adult

How to Raise an Adult  by Julie Lythcott-Haims had some great food for thought for schools, including:

"Yes we dream of our selves, of what we will become . . . but it's the environment that tells us what is possible." (38)

"Has sidling right up alongside our kid and making them the center of our world become a measure of how much we love them? If so, is it our love we're wearing on our sleeve, or our neediness?" (54)

"Schools that do not provide strong, clear boundaries between pedagogy and parents can suffer serious consequences (which means, of course, that student learning suffers)." (63)

"when the teachable moments go untaught, what our kids get in exchange is the moral or ethical shortcomings that come from getting away with stuff." (65)

Overparenting [or overadvising] happens "when our parenting behavior is motivated by our own ego." (94)

Authoritative parenting [or teaching/school leadership] is "demanding and responsive. These parents set high standards, expectations, and limits, which they uphold with consequences. They are also emotionally warm, and responsive to their child's emotional needs. They reason with their kids, engaging in a give-and-take for the sake of learning. They give their child freedom to explore, to fail,and to make their own choices." (148)

"Flow is the the things we feel, or the place we're in, when we're interested in or talented at something and the challenge or situation is just slightly beyond our current capacity . . . When we're 'in flow,' the challenge we're facing slightly exceeds our skill level, and striving to keep at it, we lose track of time, don't notice our hunger or tiredness, and feel like what we're doing could go on and on and on. We're intrinsically motived -- whatever we're doing becomes its own reward . . . Noticing when we're in flow means noticing what we love doing." (158-9)

"Perfectionism is not only the enemy of the good; it is the enemy of adulthood." (174)

"you can help kids get to the heart of understanding a matter by asking them the question 'why?' five times." (182)

"an airline's worst-case-scenario directive about putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others is extremely practical advice for living life generally." (277)

"Happiness equals love -- full stop. (George Vaillant)" (281)

Why I teach Genocide Studies

“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”

– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

“I am done with great things and big things, great institutions and big success, and I am for those tiny, invisible molecular moral forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets, or like the capillary oozing of water, yet which if you give them time, will rend the hardest monuments of man's pride.”

― William James (1842-1910)

“First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—

Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

- Martin Niemöller (1946)

“This hour in history needs a dedicated circle of transformed nonconformists.  Our planet teeters on the brink of atomic annihilation; dangerous passions of pride, hatred, and selfishness are enthroned in our lives; truth lies prostrate on the rugged hills of nameless calvaries; and men do reverence before false gods of nationalism and materialism.  The saving of our world from pending doom will come, not through the complacent adjustment of the conforming majority, but through the creative maladjustment of a nonconforming minority.”

- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., 1954

“ Courage and confidence! I cannot repeat this war-cry too often.”

- Madeleine Sophie Barat

You choose your attitude

Love Cory Booker for his reminders that we may not be able to control what happens to us, but can control how it shapes us. 

Cartwheels

This summer I learned how to cartwheel. I decided that I wanted that to be a goal of my summer, I found some coaches, did lots of practice, and got better every time. It was such a beautiful metaphor. There are lots of things that we may not know how to do and  we can be embarrassed by our ignorance - sometimes too embarrassed to ask for help. My willingness to try something new (publicly, cause there's no where all that private to practice cartwheels when you live in an apartment building!) and to keep at it until it was not so embarrassing is a process I hope to repeat for future ventures that take me outside of my comfort zone!

The More Things Change . . .

I'm struck by how similar James Baldwin's analysis of America is to what we hear (and witness!) about America today. Some of the lines that stand most out to me from The Fire Next Time (1962 - Vintage International) are:

• "We have not stopped trembling yet, but if we had not loved each other none of us would have survived. And now you must survive because we love you, and for the sake of your children and your children's children." (7)
• "There is no reason for you to try to become like white people and there is no basis whatever for their impertinent assumption that they must accept you. The really terrible thing, old buddy, is that you must accept them. And I mean that very seriously. You must accept them and accept them with love. For these innocent people have no other hope. They are, in effect, still trapped in a history which they do not understand; and until they understand it, they cannot be released from it. They have had to believe for many years, and for innumerable reasons, that black men are inferior to white men. Many of them, indeed, know better, but, as you will discover, people find it very difficult to act on what they know.To act is to be committed, and to be committed is to be in danger." (8-9)
• "we, with love, shall force our brothers to see themselves as they are, to cease fleeing from reality and begin to change it." (10)
• "We cannot be free until they are free." (10)
• "White people in this country will have quite enough to do in learning how to accept and love themselves and each other, and when they have achieved this - which will not be tomorrow and may very well be never - the Negro problem will no longer exist, for it will no longer be needed." (22)
• "If the concept of God has any validity or any use, it can only be to make us larger, freer, and more loving." (47)
• "a civilization is not destroyed by wicked people; it is not necessary that people be wicked but only that they be spineless." (55)
• "To accept one's past - one's history - is not the same thing as drowning in it; it is learning how to use it." (81)
• "Whoever debases others is debasing himself." (83)
• "The price of the liberation of the white people is the liberation of the blacks - the total liberation, in the cities, in the towns, before the law, and in the mind." (97)
• "Color is not a human or a personal reality; it is a political reality." (104)
• "in our time, as in every time, the impossible is the least that one can demand - and one is, after all, emboldened by the spectacle of human history in general, and American Negro history in particular, for it testifies to nothing less than the perpetual achievement of the impossible." (104)

Tragedy and Prayer

While reading Seeking the One Whom We Love: How RSCJs Pray, the words of Sister Gimber stood out to me. She wrote, "Sometimes I recite the psalms of the Office in the name of suffering people whom I don't know and will never meet, but whose stories are reported at every turn. It is a way of extending my prayer to a world beyond and of keeping me aware of that world beyond my own limited circle."

I often consider how to address the tragedies that come far too often. It seems unhelpful to state again and again either generically that we share our thoughts and prayers or the obvious fact that our thoughts and prayers are not enough. However, the precision of her prayer seems more significant. I had the idea that I too could hold up a specific prayer for each tragedy of the world that needs attention. The reflection that it will take to find a prayer that matches what is in my heart will honor the victim(s). And if I keep a running list of these prayers on my blog, they will be a ever-present reminder of all the prayer that the world needs. I believe that it is a respectful and tangible way to manifest my care and concern.

8/20/16:
Tragedy: https://mic.com/articles/152097/trans-rights-activist-hande-kader-was-raped-and-burned-to-death-in-turkey
Prayer: Lyrics from "Come Sunday": Lord, dear Lord above, God almighty,
God of love, Please look down and see my people through

9/12/16:
Tragedy: https://mic.com/articles/153970/a-traditionally-dressed-muslim-woman-was-set-on-fire-in-possible-hate-crime-in-nyc#.PuRUIJHG9
Prayer: Dear God, let me be a drop in an ocean of love that showers upon the Muslim community.

9/13/16:

Tragedy: http://www.fox10tv.com/story/33074252/deputy-transgender-woman-stabbed-119-times

Prayer: Dear God, let my intolerance of hatred be like a stone with powerful ripples out into the world. 

Camp

I've spent much of this summer traveling around a variety of camps, and I have loved it. It was striking how much the camps I visited shared the qualities that I most appreciated about my camp experiences as a camper, counselor and director. I think the key to a quality camp experience is that it offers opportunities to challenge oneself and try new things - to be vulnerable in a safe space. It should also offer rich opportunities for bonding with both campers and staff. Finally, the staff's role is to be an affirming presence in the camper's camp life. It strikes me that the exploration, connection and affirmation of are pretty similar to what JoAnn Deak describes as the core pillars of "competence, confidence and connection" in her book How Girls Thrive. It's no surprise that kids thrive at camp!