Being an Enneagram Two

I spent much of my weekend reading about being a Two on the Enneagram in The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery (2016) by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile and The Wisdom of the Enneagram: The Complete Guide to to Psychological and and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types (1999) by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson.

Here are some of the things I learned:

The good:

Healthy Twos warm others in the glow of their hearts. (Riso and Hudson 126)

Healthy Twos are the embodiment of the good parent that everyone wishes they had: Someone who sees them as they are, understands them with immense compassion, helps and encourages with infinite patience, and is always willing to lend a hand—while knowing precisely how and when to let go. Healthy Twos open our hearts because theirs are already so open. (Riso and Hudson 127)

They can own their feelings and needs and are free to love others without expectations (Riso and Hudson 133)

Twos normally present an image of selfless kindness, but the move to Eight reveals that they are remarkably tough underneath—others discover that beneath the velvet glove is an iron fist. (Riso and Hudson 143)

Healthy Twos also foster independence in others, nurturing self-confidence, strength, and new skills so that people can grow on their own. (Riso and Hudson 146)

Having discovered that it is a privilege to be in the lives of others, they realize a genuine humility and do not need to call attention to themselves or their good works (Riso and Hudson 148)

When two people are truly present to each other, love naturally arises . . . The love that we experience under these conditions is real and deep and quiet. It does not draw attention to itself. It is not demanding, nor does it keep accounts. It lasts because it does not depend on the changing conditions of personality. It is full of joy because nothing can disappoint or frustrate it. Real love in action is unstoppable (Riso and Hudson 148)

Twos help all of us to see that love does not belong to anyone, and certainly does not belong to the personality. We could say that our job in life is not to “do good” or to “give” love to anyone, but to be open to the action of love (Riso and Hudson 149) [This is my spirituality!]

This love is balanced, pure, and nourishing—it allows the soul to relax on a profound level (Riso and Hudson 149)

Twos accept you just as you are; they aren’t judgmental, and they create a space both physically and emotionally in which people can speak from their hearts and experience (Cron and Stabile 117)

The areas for growth:

• [our] shadow side—pride, self-deception, the tendency to become over-involved in the lives of others, and the tendency to manipulate others to get their own emotional needs met.
(Riso and Hudson 126)
• In the average-to-unhealthy Levels, Twos present a false image of being completely generous and unselfish and of not wanting any kind of payoff for themselves, when in fact they can have enormous expectations and unacknowledged emotional needs. (Riso and Hudson 127)
• On a deep psychological level, Twos are trying to fix in others the hurts they are unable to fully acknowledge in themselves. (Riso and Hudson 128-129)
• Denials of their problems alternate with complaints. Either “ I don’t need help” or “Nobody notices my needs.” (Riso and Hudson 131)
• They attempt to impress people by dispensing advice—be it spiritual, financial, or medical—but also by name-dropping. The latter often gets them into trouble, because their desire to let others know that they are friends with important people often leads them to be indiscreet and to reveal confidences. (Riso and Hudson 131)
• In a similar vein, they may become classic enablers, covering up the misdeeds or dysfunction of their valued others in order to keep them around and in their debt (Riso and Hudson 131-132)
• Twos try to cultivate friendships and win people over by pleasing, flattering, and supporting them (Riso and Hudson 133)
• THE WAKE-UP CALL FOR TYPE TWO: “PEOPLE-PLEASING” . . . People-pleasing can take many forms, from a forced friendliness, to being overly solicitous of others’ welfare, to being too generous, to flattering others shamelessly. (Riso and Hudson 134)
• Twos feel that if they have some kind of spiritual power or gift (reading auras, or giving others the Sacraments, for instance), then others will always want them. (Riso and Hudson 135) [Sometimes I use writing in this way]
• Pride often expresses itself in forms of flattery . Twos in the sway of pride feel compelled to offer compliments to others, but with the unconscious desire that such positive attention will be returned to them. They hope that others will see how generous and loving they are being and acknowledge them in a similar way (Riso and Hudson 136)
• Pride lingers in the shadows of Twos’ hearts. It reveals itself in the way they focus all their attention and energy on meeting the needs of others while at the same time giving the impression they have no needs of their own (Cron and Stabile 15) 
• As a result of pride, Twos minister to everyone else’s hurts but neglect their own. (“I don’t need anything. I’m fine! I’m here to take care of you .”) Pride betrays itself in the defensiveness that arises when someone has the audacity to suggest that Twos do indeed have needs and hurts (Riso and Hudson 136)
• As Twos feel less lovable, they focus more on specific things that signify to them that they are loved (Riso and Hudson 136)
• In effect, Twos unconsciously judge the responses of others, and only a few select actions get through their superego filter (Riso and Hudson 137)
• To the degree that we are locked into needing terms of endearment, we can miss a lot of the love that is offered to us . . . the Two’s terms of endearment are largely shaped by what they experienced as love during childhood (Riso and Hudson 137)
• Twos may actually persuade themselves that they do not have any needs of their own and that they exist only to be of service to others (Riso and Hudson 139)
• False humility is as much an expression of pride as trumpeting your own good works. (Riso and Hudson 145)
• Healthy Twos have enough self-esteem and self-nurturance not to take the reactions of others as a referendum on their own value. (Riso and Hudson 146)
• We force ourselves to smile when we are sad, to be generous when we feel empty, and to take care of others when we need to be cared for (Riso and Hudson 147)
• Twos find it hard to put a cap on the time and energy they’ll devote to taking care of you. (Cron and Stabile 116) 
• “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” (Cron and Stabile 126) . . . hell hath no fury like an overworked Two who is feeling unappreciated. (Cron and Stabile 127)

Next steps:

• Whenever you find yourself needing to do something for someone, stop your activities, quiet yourself, and from your heart, ask what you need at this time. (Riso and Hudson 140)
• Give yourself the kind of care you would insist on for someone you love. (Riso and Hudson 143)
• Only real humility and the knowledge that you are loved—in fact, that in your Essential self, you are an expression of love—will dissolve pride. (Riso and Hudson 145)
• All we can do, paradoxically, is to recognize the presence of love in ourselves and others. (Riso and Hudson 148)
• Our desperate search for attention ends when we recognize that we not only have love and value, at the level of our souls, we are love and value (Riso and Hudson 149)
• They have to ask themselves, Is this mine to do? (Cron and Stabile 119) . . . give exactly what’s yours to give—nothing more and nothing less. (Cron and Stabile 126) [Quakers say,  "'Live up to the light thou hast"] 
• Sometimes all the doing and caretaking is not what God is calling you to do . . . Maybe God simply wants Twos—and all of us—to relax in his presence . . . In their time with God they might ask themselves, Who am I when no one needs me? (Cron and Stabile 127)
• If Twos are going to learn how to attend to their own needs as much as they pay attention to the needs of other people, they have to work on their soul in solitude. (Cron and Stabile 127) 
• Don’t reflexively say yes to everything. When someone asks for your help, say you’ll get back to them with an answer once you’ve had time to think about it. Or just experiment with saying the word no. It’s a complete sentence. When the urge to rescue or help overwhelms you, ask yourself, Is this mine to do? If you’re not sure, talk it over with a trusted friend. (Cron and Stabile 128)
• Remind yourself you’re neither the best nor the worst. Just you. (Cron and Stabile 128)
• Don’t push away feelings of resentment or entitlement when they arise. Instead, view them as invitations to look inwardly with kindness and ask, What most needs attention in my life right now? (Cron and Stabile 128)
•  Don’t beat yourself up when you catch yourself moving too aggressively toward others or overwhelming them with your emotions. Congratulate yourself for spotting it, and dial it back. (Cron and Stabile 128)
• Two or three times a day, ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? and What do I need right now? Don’t worry if you can’t supply an answer. It takes time to develop self-care muscles.
   (Cron and Stabile 128)

I also enjoyed this analysis, especially the song "Two," by Sleeping at Last.

Wisdom from David Ulin's The Lost Art of Reading

"This is how the world works: first we tell ourselves a story, then we dream our way inside it as a way of bringing it to life." (xxvii)

"The reason books and reading remain essential is because they are still the most effective mechanisms by which to crack open the universe." (xxviii)

"what is the purpose of news if not to inform us and, in so doing, stir us out of our complacency? The same, I want to say, applies to the whole art of writing, which involves asking questions that cannot be answered, embracing complexity." (xxviii)

"The truest act of resistance is to respond with hope." (xxxiii)

"We possess the books we read, animating the waiting stillness of the their language, but they possess us also, filling us with thoughts and observations, asking us to make them part of ourselves." (16)

"she relied on books to pull back from the onslaught, to distance herself from the present as a way of reconnecting with a more elemental sense of who are." (34) [This resonates!]

"We come to books (or, at least, I do) to see beneath the cover story, to be challenged and confounded, made to question our assumptions, even as the writers we read are compelled to question their own." (44)

"reading, in which we are given a template that we must remake as our own . . . a way for us to understand ourselves." (47)

"As readers . . . the participation required leads to an inevitable empathy (67) . . . it is to be brought in touch with our commonality as human beings." (68)

Dylan Thomas: "Rage, rage against the dying of the light." (71)

Nicholas Carr: "Deep reading, says the study's lead researcher, Nicole Speer, 'is by no means a passive exercise.' The reader becomes the book." (100)

"Every library worth the name contains dozens, if not hundred, of books that fit these criteria [books we have read, we haven't, and those we are currently reading, and those we will never read], that speak to where we wish to go as much as where we've been." (127)

Nicholas Carr: "Reading a book was a meditative act, but it didn't involve a clearing of the mind. It involved a filling, or replenishing, of the mind." (133)

"here again is what reading has to offer: the blurring of the boundaries that divide us, that keep us separate and apart (147) . . . It connects us at the deepest levels (149)

"I compartmentalized, protecting both my time to be distracted and my time to concentrate." (152)

2019 Reading List

List by genre

1. It's a great feeling to finish a book on the first day of the year. I listened to most of Elizabeth Acevedo's The Poet X (2018) on audiobook in the car today. I have always loved her poetry because of her fierceness, and she is able to translate that same power into her first novel. She writes beautifully about identity, religion, family, and voice.

2. Julie Lythcott-Haims' Real American: A Memoir (2017) is thoughtful and powerful and gorgeous. She writes meaningfully about blackness and her challenges with her and her children’s biracial/multiracial identity and about the importance of allies. Her journey to be the fierce leader she is now was both a meaningful window and mirror for me.

3. I had heard so much about Angie Thomas' The Hate U Give (2017) that it was hard to go into with an open mind. It is another book that I started over a year ago and had a hard time making progress in for a while. It's the first audiobook that I felt like I lost something from the interpretation of the narrator. Yes, there are some elements of the story that are oversimplified, but overall I appreciated its heart and all the three-dimensional characters. It asks many good questions.

4. I just love Anne Lamott. I went to hear her in person and ended up buying her book Almost Everything: Notes on Hope (2018). Everything she writes delights and inspires me. She is a phenomenal storyteller and her stories shine a light on everything she takes on.

5. I first learned about Henri Nouwen and his concept of "Ministry of Presence" from Catholic Charities, and so, as a Sacred Heart Quaker, I was excited when my Quaker meetings book club was reading one of his books, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World (1992). This book really spoke to my spiritual condition -- the importance of making space for a reciprocal relationship with the divine and of being intentional about gratitude and affirmation.

6. I always appreciate the Irish Jesuits' Sacred Space Books, including this one for the Advent and Christmas Season 2018-19. These books ensure that I take out time each day for my spiritual life.

7. I read Women's Speaking Justified and Other Pamphlets (2018), works of Margaret Fell's that were edited by Jane Donawerth and Rebecca Lush in order to review it for Friends Journal. I definitely would not have made it all the way through were I not reviewing it, but I genuinely enjoyed the window it gave me into Quaker history.

8. I enjoyed Kamala Harris' The Truths We Hold (2019). It is definitely equal parts memoir and political philosophy statement/record to convince people to vote for her as she prepares to run for president. She's convinced me.

9. Cory Booker's United: Thoughts on Finding Common Ground and Advancing the Common Good (2016) made me really appreciate Senator Booker as a person, though he is self-deprecating to a point that makes me less excited about his presidential candidacy.

10. Walter Wink’s Jesus and Nonviolence: A Third Way (2003) marks the third book I’ve read in recent months that feels like it is speaking directly to my life’s philosophy (along with Krista Tippet’s Becoming Wise and Henri Nouwen’s Life of the Beloved). Jesus and Nonviolence describes how much more powerful love is than coercion. 

11. I bought How to Not Always Be Working: A Toolkit for Creativity and Radical Self-Care (2018) by Marlee Grace because it was on the staff recommendations shelf at Literati and because it is beautiful. I am not sure that I actually learned anything from it, but it gave me moments of peace while I read it.

12. Gabrielle Union's memoir, We’re Going to Need More Wine: Stories That Are Funny, Complicated, and True (2017), is funny and raunchy and shocking and honest. It is a fascinating window into the world of celebrity and a powerful mirror into the experiences of Black women. It is so much more about topics of social justice than one would guess, and I absolutely loved it. 

13. I absolutely loved Shonda Rhimes' Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person (2015). She talks about her initial decision (at the height of her success) to be bold and lean in, and then all the decisions she made as a result. She celebrates both fully embracing all that life has to offer (what she calls badassery) and the power of saying no.

14. I love Rebecca Solnit's ability to put what so many of us are thinking into beautiful prose. In Call Them by Their True Names: American Crises (and Essays) (2018) she explores the first two years of what we lovingly call The Resistance.

15. I read The Burning One-ness Binding Everything: A Spiritual Journey (1997) by Bruce Birchard because the Adult Religious Education committee is offering a session on it. I read it with a mind to create discussion questions and that was easy to do; this book is a reflection of great depth.

16. Ross Gay is a delightful man and his work The Book of Delights (2019) is a manifestation of the love and joy that is at his core. He illuminates the many ways that we are all connected to each other and to nature. The book is full of both wisdom and humor, often intertwined. 

17. Although I never read Kevin Kwan's Crazy Rich Asians, I loved the movie (and saw it twice in theaters!), which made reading China Rich Girlfriend (2015), the second in that trilogy, quite enjoyable. I can't remember the last time a book made me laugh out loud so often. It's rare that I read a book that is quite so much fun.

18. I have long loved Damon Young's humor on verysmartbrothas.theroot.com and I was struck when I first saw him present a year ago by just how humble and authentic he is. What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker: A Memoir in Essays (2019) is the best of his humor and authenticity. He is raw and reflective and it is insightful and moving. 

19. Although I always appreciate the Irish Jesuits' Sacred Space Books, I had a harder time keeping up with the Lent 2019 book than I normally do. I still got many moving quotes and reflections from it, but it did not make its way as meaningfully into my everyday life as those books normally do.

20. Interestingly, as I read John Maeda's Redesigning Leadership (2011), I knew by the end that I would be surprised if he was still in the leadership role in which he was serving as he wrote the book (president of RISD, which he left he left after six years). The book is full of useful reflections, but they are clearly the reflections of an artist who is exhausted by the bureaucracy over which he was presiding. 

21. I read Thick (2018) by Tressie McMillan Cottom for one of my book clubs. I listened to the whole thing over the course of one morning. Cottom has a powerful voice about justice issues and how we need to deconstruct so much of our society that is oppressive.

22. I found Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean (2017) by Kim Scott to be a wonderful book to help me think about being a manager. Much of what it suggests are strategies that I already use as a teacher, which made me feel empowered as I reflect upon taking a next step. It also had lots of useful practical advice.

23. Bettina Love's We Want to Do More than Survive: Abolitionist Teaching and the Pursuit of Educational Freedom (2019) has important reminders about centering love and justice in education. It was more theoretical than practical, but certainly an interesting read. 

24. My book club enjoyed Kevin Kwan's China Rich Girlfriend so much that we decided to have a bonus book club meeting to discuss the final book in that trilogy, Rich People Problems (2018). I have to admit I laughed out loud less than I did from China Rich Girlfriend, but I was desperate to find out what happened at every turn, and ended up binge reading it. 

25. Permission to Screw Up: How I Learned to Lead by Doing (Almost) Everything Wrong (2017) by Kristen Hadeed was on the recommended summer book list for my old school but seemed like a good fit for my new job. Although many of her choices are not ones that I would make, she's a great storyteller and the book makes a reader feel as though they are learning along with her. 

26. Women Talking (2019) by Miriam Toews is one of the best works of fiction that I have read in a long time. It is how Toews' imagines that the women who survived the "Bolivian Ghost Rapes" might have processed the terror they experienced. 

27. Pride (2018) by Ibi Zoboi is a Black-Latinx, Brooklyn-based YA version of Pride and Prejudice. I haven't read Pride and Prejudice, but I really enjoyed Pride's love story. 

28. How to Fight (2017) by Thich Nhat Hanh is a beautiful little book about how to not keep cycles of harm going in our personal lives. It might be more accurately called "How Not to Fight."

29. The Little Book of Restorative Justice in Education: Fostering Responsibility, Healing, and Hope in Schools (2016) by Katherine Evans and Dorothy Vaandering explains the values and beliefs behind restorative justice and how to use restorative practices proactively in schools. 

30. The buzz around Educated: A Memoir (2018) by Tata Westover has been inescapable for the last year and half. I now understand why. I thought it was the story of a woman growing up in a cult, but much more than that, it is a woman's story of how she beat the odds and found her voice and her power. 

31. One of my former colleagues encouraged me to read Redeeming Administration: 12 Spiritual Habits for Catholic Leaders in Parishes, Schools, Religious Communities,  and Other Institutions (2013) by Ann Garrido. It has been a wonderful catalyst for reflection as I begin a new chapter of my career.

32. Although it took me two years to finish, I truly loved Patrisse Khan-Cullors' When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Manifesto (2017). It was powerful to learn about her family history as a way of understanding her personal context as she founded a movement that has been important to the country broadly and me individually for the past few years. 


33. Last year I went to a book talk for Brittney Cooper's Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower (2018). The book talk was memorable. It was right after Black Panther had come out and the talk felt like it built on the momentum of the movie. Additionally, she was interviewed by Damon Young in the book talk, and the two of them were a perfect mix of thoughtful and delightful. The book itself has much of that same mix, and comes across as particularly bold and brave. It made me both laugh and feel empowered.

34. I loved every page of 27 Views of Carolina Friends School: A Quaker Community in Prose & Poetry. I learned a great deal about the school and I loved each of the personalized windows into people's passion for the place. 

35. I earned The Untethered Soul: The Journey beyond Yourself (2007) by Michael Singer for my participation in my school's wellness week. There are parts of it that resonated about healthy detachment from our emotions, but overall it felt a bit too ungrounded for me. It was always interesting to read a few pages at the beginning of Meeting for Worship for the past couple years.

36. Reading The Testaments (2019) by Margaret Atwood was like watching a great movie. I could not put this down. In the chaos of our current world, it was powerful to read about at least one imagined society that made its way to the other side.

37. I read The Madwoman of Cahillot by Jean Giraudoux (translated by Maurice Valency in 1947) because it is the play that my school is doing this fall. It's satirical and very weird in  a way that I'm not sure I fully appreciated. But it's critique of capitalism is just as relevant now as it was 70 years ago!

38. I started reading Singletasking: Getting More Done - One Thing at a Time by Devora Zack (2015) several years ago because the author presented in a professional development program I attended. It reminds me of Skinny Bitch in that I have continued to go back to it over the years when I need a push to abandon bad habits. I'm not sure it's totally groundbreaking, but it definitely has great reminders.

39. When looking for a different book, I found on my Quaker bookshelf an old copy of Barry Morley's Beyond Consensus: Salvaging Sense of the Meeting (1993). It catalyzed meaningful reflection on the ideals we're going for with Meetings for Business. Although the processes can be stressful, this pamphlet explores their potential power. 

40. As a spontaneous adventure, I saw the play Burn This (by Lanford Wilson, 1987) on Broadway this spring (because Facebook ads were telling me that it starred Kerri Russell and Adam Driver [who was absolutely brilliant!]. It spoke to me in a profound way, and I bought a magnet to remember its lessons. A week ago I was trying to remember what those lessons were, so I bought a copy of the play. The heart of what I love about it is that the right thing doesn't always present itself clearly. Sometimes the right thing for us is messy and hard. And we just have to trust that everything will be okay. 

41. I read the Pendle Hill pamphlet Building Bridges: Four Stories from the Bible (2019) by Elizabeth O'Sullivan for an upcoming book review. It's not that often that I encounter Quaker works that center Biblical stories and Jesus, and I appreciate those intersections wherever they exist. 

42. The Story (2004) by Tracey Scott Wilson is a play about the defining experience of my mother's life. It was powerful to read it on the anniversary of my mother's death. I was reminded of just how much of a force of nature she was. It's a thoughtful piece that addresses race and class in an honest way.

43. I picked up A Sin by Any Other Name: Reckoning with Racism and the Heritage of the South (2019) by Robert W. Lee  because it was in the local authors section of a local bookstore. Robert W. Lee, despite his relation to Robert E. Lee, has been a voice for racial justice in the last couple years. I found his book easy to read in many ways, but I also had questions in the end about how easy it was for him to tell his story when so many people of color fight the same issues go unnamed and unnoticed. I can't hold it against him that he found his platform, and yet I wished in the end that I had gotten his book out of the library instead of buying it.

44. Little Man, Little Man: A Story of Childhood (1976) was described by its author, James Baldwin, as a story about childhood for adults. It did not do particularly well when it was written and was out of print for a while. It was originally panned for not having too much of a story arc, but I appreciated the window into James Baldwin's world that it offered.

45. My Sister, the Serial Killer (2018) by Oyinkan Braithwaite was a quick and easy read. The story was interesting and leads to some interesting questions about the limits of loyalty. 

46. I feel as though having started a new job this year, I was not the target audience for Lead from the Outside: How to Build Your Future and Make Real Change by Stacey Abrams. It is a great how-to book for people thinking about their next steps. She's had a very interesting and very successful career, and this books takes the reader inside of how she worked strategically since her youth to get where she is.

47. I listened to How to Be an Antiracist (2019) by Ibram X Kendi as an audiobook, and I did not find it particularly engaging, as I did not feel like I was learning much that I could apply to my life or my work. I found his ideas and stories interesting, but there was not much that felt new in important ways. 

48. I've been reading Angela Davis's Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement (2015) for several years now. I'm grateful that someone with whom I share much of my views of justice has such a powerful and public platform.

49. Washington Black (2018) by Esi Edugyan is an epic story of a boy born into slavery in Barbados and swept into adventures around the world. I would say that I admired its storytelling and was entertained, but it was less thought-provoking than I had hoped. That could be because it was hard to keep all of the story elements straight because I listened to it as an audiobook.

50. I've been watching His Dark Materials on HBO, which led me to read Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass (1995). I love the book even more than the show because of all of its details. My second adventure story in a row, but I absolutely delighted in this one!

51. I was less engaged reading Philip Pullman's The Subtle Knife (1997) than The Golden Compass. As the second book in the trilogy, it felt like it was working hard just to be a bridge between the beginning and the end of this epic story. 

52. I absolutely loved Mira Jacob's Good Talk (2018), a graphic memoir about race in modern America, especially for an Indian-American woman and her biracial (half-white) son who is beginning to have questions about his identity after Trump's election. 

53. I got The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living (2016) by Meik Wiking because my friend Andrea has long told me about the practice of hygge (coziness), and she cultivates it in her life and home, which is why I think of her house as my retreat center. The book felt more like food for thought than an actual practical guide, but it was very pleasant reading.

54. Philip Pullman's The Amber Spyglass (2000) was a powerful ending to the His Dark Materials trilogy. The book explores themes of religion, good and evil, sacrifice, agency, and so much more. 

55. Elena Aguilar's The Art of Coaching Teams: Building Resilient Communities that Transform Schools (2016) was the single most influential book of my fall as I became a principal. This book was absolutely transformational in my designing meaningful staff meetings.

Wisdom from Give Us This Day

I receive Give Us This Day: Day Prayer for Today's Catholic as a Sacred Heart Associate and read it as part of my morning spiritual practice. Occasionally I come across something that I want to save. I will be recording those here.

October 15, 2019 - Fr. Richard M. Gula: "In the words of St. Teresa of Avila, whom we celebrate today, 'Yours are the hands through which God blesses the world,' and 'It is love alone that gives worth to all things.'"

The Kindness of Strangers

Tonight I bought an ice cream bar and then promptly dropped it. Other people in line offered to let me get back in line in front of them, and then the employee just handed me a new bar and told me not to worry about it. There are few things I love more than easy kindness that feels like God holding you.

Right after typing the above, I read this story, which speaks to the same point: https://www.upworthy.com/opposing-team-members-surrounded-a-soccer-player-whose-hijab-slipped-and-its-fabulous

One Moment I Knew I Was in the Right Place

At the volleyball team's first playoff game, staff from across the school came to support the team. Lower, Middle, and Upper School teachers, the Business Office, the Diversity Director, and the Head of School were there along with bleachers full of students and parents. And all on a staff work day when students didn't have school. Pretty special!

The Spirituality of Waiting

I love the Irish Jesuit's Sacred Space books for Advent and Lent. They empower me to maintain the right mindset and heart space during those periods of spiritual preparation. In the spirit of not hoarding, I am letting go of some of the old books. Here are some of my favorite quotes therein:

Advent/Christmas 2015-16:

• "The ends and the beginnings - past and future -- are always in the present tense of love."

Lent 2016:

• Jesus "is determined to break down dramatically the barriers that fragment human community . . . if we want to be with him at the table, we must accept the companionship of people we previously despised."
• "I ask for the grace to be free of my own preoccupations and open to what God may be saying to me."
• "We can be smug and content with our conventional good behavior. Jesus, however, says to us: "But what about your anger? What about insulting someone? Do you despise anyone, ever? Such behavior won't do anymore."
• "our hearts must embrace our enemies in genuine love."
• "If we work int he world we must, again and again, climb to the top of the mountain, to be alone with God and with ourselves, our memories and desires. There we renew our strength to continue the struggle for a more just world."
• "God is with me, but more, God is within me. Let me dwell for a moment on God's life-giving presence in my body, in my mind, and in my heart"
• "without an eye for the needy around us, our life becomes self-centered and callous. Jesus is asking his listeners to open their eyes to what is around them and to open their ears to the simple commands of the gospel: love your neighbor."
• "Prayer is enjoying moments of being loved."
• "conversion is possible; we can return to our best - our truest - selves, and when we do we will find our loving God ready to welcome us home with open arms."
• "I remind myself that there are things God has to teach me yet and ask for the grace to hear them and let them change me."
• "Wise love takes many forms: it is not timid and passive; it can be demanding as well as long-suffering."
• "I am God's dwelling place."
• "Cleanse my heart and would so I may live joyously in your love."
• "We, too, are never alone; the love, grace, and help of God are always with us."
• "Jesus' promise is that the truth will make us free. Lord, I do want to be free, so let me listen to those who tell me the truth about myself. Let me listen also to your word, which tries to reach into my heart and liberate me."
• "We are asked to suffer, if necessary, in order to foster the values of the kingdom . . .Jesus shows us how to bear it with love. Such love radiates and inspires others."
• "Lord, when I find myself critical of others, it may be my own warped vision that needs to be corrected."

Lent 2017:

• "Lent is a good time to stop our activity long enough to look at it carefully, prayerfully, and to determine the specific truths of the situation."
• "Holiness is a greater marvel than special effects but less easily recognized."
• "Jesus, help me be fully alive to your Holy Presence. Enfold me in your love. Let my heart become one with yours."

Advent and Christmas 2018-19:

• "The true light . . . enlightens everyone"
• "How will I know when it is my time to decrease, and how can I prepare my heart to respond graciously?"

Lent 2019:

• Listening to Christ means "setting out on the journey with him to make oneself a gift of love to others"
• "Prayer increases within us our capacity to love."
• "Do I share with [God] all that I am living, my struggles and my joys, and the concrete situations for which I need his help?"
• "[Jesus'] open and generous heart is the heart of God, inviting us all to rest where we are known and loved, to find enduring life and lasting refreshment." 
• "You know how painful it is if your motives are misunderstood, if a twisted interpretation is put on your good intentions. Such experiences help you identify with Jesus and feel with him. Be there with him; share your experiences with him." 
• "Do I think ill of others more readily than I credit them with good? Lord, give me the grace to see the best in others, as I'd wish them to see the best in me." 
• "I find it so easy to feel superior to others in one way or another while being blind to my own shortcomings."
• "I have no right to look down on those whose sins are paraded in the media."
• "Prayer for another strengthens bonds, softens hearts"
• "Compassion, kindness, and courage in my life are what make my words credible. May my life reflect what I profess."
• "What is my image of God? The best image is to see God as Pure Love."
• "If we live in this way, we transform the world."

Lent 2020:

• "service that is large-hearted and humble."
• "I ask for the grace to trust myself totally to God's love."
• "Jesus is the one of universal welcome . . . I ask him to open my heart to be as welcoming to his."
• Luke 1:38 -- Mary: "let it be with me according to your word."
• "We are all called to live the truth."
• "God is with me, but even more astounding, God is within me."
• "Teach me to live in the knowledge that you will never abandon me [or others!]."
• "help me to follow you and thus accept truth and demonstrate it through love." 
• "Do I appreciate that I, too, am a temple of the living God?"
• "We might allow moments of prayer this week to reach the zones within us that need tolerance, healing, and forgiveness."
• "Jesus, may I give to you freely and not care about others' opinions and reactions."