Learning from Students: Embracing the Suck

Today I watched one of my advisees really struggle in a tennis match. I have never been prouder of her. She was kind and gracious in defeat, even as her opponent was a cold victor. My advisee displayed no visible or audible negative self talk. She modeled exactly the way that I hope to be when my back is against the ropes. She was playing #1 singles for the championship. She was already a winner. How often do we forget how far we've come when we're focused on where we want to go? How often do we allow the stress of that gap to pull us away from being our best selves? I am reminded by my student to be more intentional in these moments.

The Power of Travel to Unite Us

Today I listened to a talk from a Bethesda Friends Meeting attender about her work in Afghanistan. She remarked that it is hard to talk about her travels because people respond with either an admiration or a horror which do not resonate with her experience. I have felt that about my trips to Rwanda and Haiti (interestingly, although Northern Ireland has experienced a history of violence as well, that is not people's reaction when I travel there). I understand her frustration and exhaustion in answering those responses because although we love the communities that have welcomed us, it can be hard to put our transformative experiences into words. This is why it is so important for students to have opportunity to engage with communities outside of their own - when the 'other' invites you into community, you become connected. I have now traveled enough places that I know no matter what we hear about a place, there are always loving people within a community who are working hard to be the change they wish to see in the world. Sometimes it takes travel to open our minds and hearts.

What's in a Weekend?

Today was my fourth Saturday in a row of being pushed to grow. First was a Pastoral Care retreat for Bethesda Friends Meeting, next was a Grow Our Meetings workshop by Friends General Conference, then the Baltimore Yearly Meeting Interim Meeting, and today the DC Peace Team's Restorative Justice Circle training. It's been hard to give up a full day each weekend, but I wouldn't trade any of it. Each event has been an opening for the kinds of topics that I usually don't have enough time to discuss. It has been a wonderful opportunity to reflect on my priorities. While I highly value time to myself to reflect and decompress, I also recognize how special it is to be able to spend time in communities and situations in which I get to experience learning and love in equal measure.

The Evolution of My Spirituality

This is my response to my writing class prompt, "If you had told me ______ when I was 15, you could have pushed me over with a feather."

If you had told me when I was 15 that I would go on to have a high school student write about how I was her spiritual advisor, you could have pushed me over with a feather. Fifteen was the year that I stopped going to church. I didn’t feel connected to the people or the messages, and I got nothing spiritual from the experience. And although that was my tenth year at Sidwell, I also didn’t feel particularly connected to Quaker spirituality. While it was only a couple years later that Quakerism felt like my spiritual home, it wasn’t until my mother’s final months that I was ready to be “all in” and not just dabble. 

At the point that I was ready to invest, I learned that you get out of your spirituality what you put into it. Little by little "cheerfully walking over the earth answering to that of God in everyone" became second nature. I practiced first once a week in Meeting for Worship until the practice and then the routine spilled, joyously, into the rest of my life. My disposition and my connection to the spirit of love, which is how I know God, are one.

So now I feel deeply touched and moved and inspired to learn that one of my students even lightheartedly writes that she considers me her spiritual advisor, but I’m not as utterly shocked as I would have been half a lifetime ago. I make no secret of my approach to the world and my hope is that people can see that my rose-colored glasses, for better and worse, are the product of genuine love overflowing in me. I feel no need for anyone else to find inspiration in the same places that I do, but I sure do hope that they get to experience the kind of joy that fills my days.

Eff My Fears

One of the lessons we all learned from Harry Potter is that our fears lose their power when we speak them aloud. I know the same is true for me about my anxieties, insecurities, shortcomings, and mistakes. When I can own them, I regain my power. When I share them, I control them. For me it is often a matter of making the intangible tangible. Sometimes they can feel infinite in my head, but once they are on paper or spoken aloud, they are necessarily finite. And then I can start thinking about problem solving or next steps. As I learned from Friends Council Institute for Engaging Leaders in Friends Schools, we always have the power to take a step. And then reflect and take another. Soon enough their is no stopping our success.

Meditations

Today in Meeting for Worship a new meditation came to me: "Dear God, make my life a prayer." I find meditation an important part of my spirituality. Some of my other meditations are:
- "Peace. Love."
- "Breathing in, I feel love. Breathing out, I share love."
- "Breathing in, I sustain my light. Breathing out, I shine my light."
- "Peace and joy. Faith and strength. Passion and patience. Creativity and gratitude."
- "Make me a vessel . . . for your love."
- "Make me an instrument . . . of your love."
- "God is everywhere. Love and Light."
Having these phrases guide my breath and thought is a way that I feel empowered to be a contemplative in action.

Answering to That of God in Everyone

Today I heard a powerful message from Bishop Kevin Dowling, Co-President of Pax Christi International. He shared that in partnering with those in need, in order to build a foundation for sustainable change we must both share our gifts and reflect theirs back to them. What a beautiful idea - the difference we can make by shining someone's light back on them. It helps me to understand the idea of ministry of presence that I learned earlier this year. It also seems to me very similar to George Fox's idea of "walk[ing] cheerfully over the earth answering to that of God in everyone."