Learning from Students: Embracing the Suck

Today I watched one of my advisees really struggle in a tennis match. I have never been prouder of her. She was kind and gracious in defeat, even as her opponent was a cold victor. My advisee displayed no visible or audible negative self talk. She modeled exactly the way that I hope to be when my back is against the ropes. She was playing #1 singles for the championship. She was already a winner. How often do we forget how far we've come when we're focused on where we want to go? How often do we allow the stress of that gap to pull us away from being our best selves? I am reminded by my student to be more intentional in these moments.

The Power of Travel to Unite Us

Today I listened to a talk from a Bethesda Friends Meeting attender about her work in Afghanistan. She remarked that it is hard to talk about her travels because people respond with either an admiration or a horror which do not resonate with her experience. I have felt that about my trips to Rwanda and Haiti (interestingly, although Northern Ireland has experienced a history of violence as well, that is not people's reaction when I travel there). I understand her frustration and exhaustion in answering those responses because although we love the communities that have welcomed us, it can be hard to put our transformative experiences into words. This is why it is so important for students to have opportunity to engage with communities outside of their own - when the 'other' invites you into community, you become connected. I have now traveled enough places that I know no matter what we hear about a place, there are always loving people within a community who are working hard to be the change they wish to see in the world. Sometimes it takes travel to open our minds and hearts.

What's in a Weekend?

Today was my fourth Saturday in a row of being pushed to grow. First was a Pastoral Care retreat for Bethesda Friends Meeting, next was a Grow Our Meetings workshop by Friends General Conference, then the Baltimore Yearly Meeting Interim Meeting, and today the DC Peace Team's Restorative Justice Circle training. It's been hard to give up a full day each weekend, but I wouldn't trade any of it. Each event has been an opening for the kinds of topics that I usually don't have enough time to discuss. It has been a wonderful opportunity to reflect on my priorities. While I highly value time to myself to reflect and decompress, I also recognize how special it is to be able to spend time in communities and situations in which I get to experience learning and love in equal measure.

The Evolution of My Spirituality

This is my response to my writing class prompt, "If you had told me ______ when I was 15, you could have pushed me over with a feather."

If you had told me when I was 15 that I would go on to have a high school student write about how I was her spiritual advisor, you could have pushed me over with a feather. Fifteen was the year that I stopped going to church. I didn’t feel connected to the people or the messages, and I got nothing spiritual from the experience. And although that was my tenth year at Sidwell, I also didn’t feel particularly connected to Quaker spirituality. While it was only a couple years later that Quakerism felt like my spiritual home, it wasn’t until my mother’s final months that I was ready to be “all in” and not just dabble. 

At the point that I was ready to invest, I learned that you get out of your spirituality what you put into it. Little by little "cheerfully walking over the earth answering to that of God in everyone" became second nature. I practiced first once a week in Meeting for Worship until the practice and then the routine spilled, joyously, into the rest of my life. My disposition and my connection to the spirit of love, which is how I know God, are one.

So now I feel deeply touched and moved and inspired to learn that one of my students even lightheartedly writes that she considers me her spiritual advisor, but I’m not as utterly shocked as I would have been half a lifetime ago. I make no secret of my approach to the world and my hope is that people can see that my rose-colored glasses, for better and worse, are the product of genuine love overflowing in me. I feel no need for anyone else to find inspiration in the same places that I do, but I sure do hope that they get to experience the kind of joy that fills my days.

Eff My Fears

One of the lessons we all learned from Harry Potter is that our fears lose their power when we speak them aloud. I know the same is true for me about my anxieties, insecurities, shortcomings, and mistakes. When I can own them, I regain my power. When I share them, I control them. For me it is often a matter of making the intangible tangible. Sometimes they can feel infinite in my head, but once they are on paper or spoken aloud, they are necessarily finite. And then I can start thinking about problem solving or next steps. As I learned from Friends Council Institute for Engaging Leaders in Friends Schools, we always have the power to take a step. And then reflect and take another. Soon enough their is no stopping our success.

Meditations

Today in Meeting for Worship a new meditation came to me: "Dear God, make my life a prayer." I find meditation an important part of my spirituality. Some of my other meditations are:
- "Peace. Love."
- "Breathing in, I feel love. Breathing out, I share love."
- "Breathing in, I sustain my light. Breathing out, I shine my light."
- "Peace and joy. Faith and strength. Passion and patience. Creativity and gratitude."
- "Make me a vessel . . . for your love."
- "Make me an instrument . . . of your love."
- "God is everywhere. Love and Light."
Having these phrases guide my breath and thought is a way that I feel empowered to be a contemplative in action.

Answering to That of God in Everyone

Today I heard a powerful message from Bishop Kevin Dowling, Co-President of Pax Christi International. He shared that in partnering with those in need, in order to build a foundation for sustainable change we must both share our gifts and reflect theirs back to them. What a beautiful idea - the difference we can make by shining someone's light back on them. It helps me to understand the idea of ministry of presence that I learned earlier this year. It also seems to me very similar to George Fox's idea of "walk[ing] cheerfully over the earth answering to that of God in everyone."

We're All in This Together

I am often struck by disconnect between how much I want to do and how much I am physically and mentally capable of doing. Some of my favorite moments have come when I have been reminded that instead of focusing on what I can do, it is important to think of what WE can do. In an email a few years ago, someone on one of my committees wrote, "We have many things to do and many we want to do. But we rely, as we must, on each other to see that each is tended to . . . We hold each other. We will know you are holding us and trust that you feel held in return!" That came just before I was at a War Resisters League Conference and feeling overwhelmed by how much there is standing in the way of peace, and it was so important in my being able to positively process all of what I was learning about the military- and prison-industrial complexes. Knowing that I didn't have to take it all on myself made me feel empowered to do what I can. Ken Untener stated that "We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.  This enables us to do something, and to do it very well." How empowering - our role is to use our gifts to make the difference we can. All we can do is our best. Desmond Tutu writes, "Do your little bit of good where you are, its those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” May it be so. 

The Power of Unconditional Love

I'm not a wallower, but I sometimes need a cathartic moment in order to move on. It's part of my being an external processor. Today was one of those days when I just needed to own, in order to let go of, my anxieties and disappointments and obsession over my shortcomings. It is amazing that I had a safe space in which to do that. I had colleagues who met me where I was, who picked me up, and who showed me the light. Most importantly, I felt loved. I know that no matter how badly I mess up or how much I disappoint other people, I have some folks who are always going to be in my corner and will always be my cheerleaders. I think we all need those people. Those of us who do not have family in our area especially need our crafted family of friends who are willing to love our imperfect selves unconditionally. My heart is so full.

Powerful Black Women

Black women are in multiple marginalized groups, so it is amazing to have a week like the one I've just had in which the strength of black women is on display.

The week began with both news outlets and popular culture holding up Michelle Obama as a style icon ("stunning" is a word often used to describe her look, including by President Obama himself). She is gorgeous, and when her beauty is celebrated it feels like a victory for all of us. (10/16 update: Michelle Obama is far from the only important black woman at the White House: http://m.essence.com/galleries/29-powerful-black-women-calling-shots-obama-administration)

This also comes on the heels of Viola Davis, the first African American to win an Emmy for Lead Actress in Drama, proclaiming “Let me tell you something: the only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity.” Pop culture prominence comes with social power, and it is inspiring to see that power used in the service of equity.

Tonight I went to a comedy show, Blaria, tonight with Jessica Williams and Phoebe Robinson. They were hilarious and fearless as they took on topics like sex and race as they chatted casually with each other and the audience.  As they were so comfortably themselves, they modeled that strength can take the form of humor.

In another vein, this week I got to see Angela Davis and Erika Totten (leader of Black Lives Matter DMV) talk about the Black Lives Matter movement. They are both important voices willing to shake up a broken system. They both called out not only white supremacy, but also the misogyny that they heard in other voices in the room. They remind me of the sticker I have on my office door: "The real revolution will be love." They modeled assertive engagement and they made it clear that we all have a role to play.

I've grown up as a proud black woman, and still it helps to see role models who look like me and share some of my experiences. It is a good reminder of how important those same images and messages are for students, which is why schools must diversify our faculties and our curricula. And whenever anyone needs a quick lesson on powerful black women, I recommend listening to the song BO$$ by Fifth Harmony!

On Writing

When I sit down to write, I love when I am connected to the Light within me. When I feel that I am using my voice to speak Truth to Power. When I am contributing to a larger societal conversation. When I feel as though I could influence someone. I write so that the still, small voice within me might be heard by someone else and offer Light to them. I write so that I may be a voice for the voiceless. So that I am leveraging my privilege. I love it when my voice feels like it is my strength and my heart combined. 

When I sit down to write, I hate when I am lazy. Laziness is a monster with many faces. It looks like Facebook. It looks like email. It is particularly strong when it’s in the form of my work. I love my work. But I love my voice too. I hate when I write in platitudes. They are not my voice. 

I love to run because I feel no pressure to be good at it. Writing feels like something that I can be good at, so it is especially hard to take when I feel as though I’m not getting across the dynamism, the vitality, the complexity of my ideas. I feel the pressure. I think sometimes the weight of the responsibility is what crushes the bird of my voice that wants to sing. I’m reminded of Anne Lamott’s advice to write bird by bird.

Idealism

I'm an idealist; there's no way around it. And yet I just keep thinking of the Margaret Mead quote, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." I was at a Black Lives Matter panel today. Much of what speakers, who included Angela Davis, had to say was more radical than I feel, but I don't doubt for a second that we need the radical voices for anything to change. There is something idealistic in communism and third party politics. However, it was an important reminder to me that we ALL bring something to the table when we put our time and energy into the causes we care about. The most powerful message that I heard from the panel is that we just need to never rest on our laurels. That and don't settle - strategize!